Mutual of Alcohol's Wild Kingdom ...

whisper:  "Hello, and welcome to another fascinating episode of Mutual of Alcohol's Wild Kingdom.  I'm your host, Marlin Perkins and today I am at a local watering hole known as 'Uncle's'.  I hope to bring you the rare look into the hunting techniques of the older gay couple.

"I enter the hunting grounds carefully, trying not to stir the peacefully grazing herd.  I take a seat and, with the help of the pack leader behind the serving counter, quickly blend into the mix behind the shelter of a gin & tonic.

"Once seated, I begin to study my surroundings.  The sun is lowering into the west, giving me the best time to observe the pack.  It is relatively quiet now as the alcohol has yet to instill the more belligerent behavior in the group.  Music plays quietly, also keeping the activity more subdued.  But, as in my past studies, I know this will all change once the watering hole fills with more men and it gets harder to find a place to take refuge.  The music will get louder, the alcohol will flow more freely and the pack will increase in size, making the chatter grow in intensity.  Sometimes it's a long wait, but I have a feeling that tonight we will be in for a spectacular display of the hunt.

"How I wish my cameraman could be here, but I have learned that, in these kinds of surroundings, a camera is apt to bring a behavior away from the norm if the pack should become aware of it.  They often act in 2 distinct ways.  The first is with a shyness and they turn away from the camera, or worse, leave the watering hole altogether.  The second reaction I usually come across is the more aggressive attention seeking behavior where they come up to the camera with smiles and song and become more combative for time in front of the lens.  No, this needs to be studied with subtlety and patience and I must let them act naturally if I am to observe accurately."

An hour later...

"Welcome back to Mutual of Alcohol's Wild Kingdom.  Much has happened within the last hour since my initial arrival to the watering hole.  As suspected, the crowd has grown in numbers and men are now finding it necessary to squeeze between other patrons for the attention of the pack leader serving out drinks.  The music has grown in volume and the alcohol seems to be doing its trick in loosening up the herd.  Conversations are louder and interactions are becoming more animated.

"But my attention is now focused on the latest addition to the mix.  They approached the watering hole about thirty minutes earlier and had taken up the last remaining stools, although one is refusing to sit, opting rather to stand and lean over the bar sipping from a beer and swaying to the music.  They both appear to be in their mid 50's, but trying to look younger with the one obviously dying his beard and the other wearing a very clingy t-shirt.  Although showing little affection for one another, it is obvious these two are a couple and it is this host's hope that this be the type of hunters I have been seeking my entire career:  the rare trado venator or Committed Hunters.

"I have only heard stories of these types of hunters and I am excited to possibly witness the hunt in person.  I must wait and sip my drink and keep a sharp eye trained across the bar.

"They speak softly to one another while their eyes dart around the room, looking for prey.  Once in a while, one or the other will glance in the mirror to check himself out.  The drinks are filled and emptied at a fairly rapid pace.  They are--

"Oh!  What's this?  Yes!  Yes, I think it is!  The elusive valde juvenis or very young man, often referred to within the packs as a "twink".  This is a real find!  These rare individuals are usually gatherers and grazers, not hunters.  They usually travel in small groups of look-a-likes, but from his nervous looks around the watering hole from his position in the doorway, it seems that this twink may have accidentally drifted away from the rest of his herd and became lost.  His skin is smooth and his hair is gelled into a into a kind of faux-mohawk, possibly being a ruse to make him appear larger than he was, therefore scaring the hunters away.  His buttoned shirt is mostly undone revealing a hairless chest and his buttocks is small and perky.

"The scent of the Twink seems to fill the air as the eyes of most of the elder hunters all focus in on the entrance.  The sounds of shifting stools can be heard under the loud music.  The lust almost seems palpable. 

"Timidly, the Twink steps further away from the entrance, scoping out a place to sit.  I look across the bar to the two men I've been studying and realize that the hunt was now on.  The one standing eases away from his stool and offers it to the Twink.  The other hunter stares his prey up and down and smiles, winking at his partner.

"Stay tuned..."

Later still...

"This game of cat and mouse has been going on for over an hour now.  The herd of hunters, once all thinking they could have a piece of the lost little Twink, had given up the fight to the two elder hunters who displayed their voracity for the fresh meat, not with fists and language, but with drinks offered to the Twink.  They kept his thirst for alcohol consumption filled and left enough money down on the bar to make sure the pack leader kept the fresh glasses rotating.  The elder hunters were now closing in for the kill, standing very close to the inebriated twink.  Their calloused hands nervously run across the hairless arms and over the small buttocks, trying to see how far they can go.

"The twink, now drunk from many shots and cocktails, smiles politely, all the while shifting from one foot to the other, trying to escape the clutches of the hunters who's own desires have grown to near uncontrollable levels.  I suspect that the time will soon be upon us.  Have the hunters weakened the hunted enough to take him back to their den?  Or will the Twink wait for his chance and es--

"Oh!  This is a new development that I didn't see coming!  It looks as if the rest of the Twink's herd has arrived and are hurrying to his aid.  I suspect the last time the Twink had gone to the rest room, he may have realized how trapped he was and sent out a distress call.

"The other twinks surrounded their friend, pushing back the two hunters with their skinny bodies.  The hunters stare in disbelief, their egos obviously wounded.  The young pack of gatherers, talking at once, decide to move on to pastures where more gatherers for their nightly ritual of shirtless dancing.  They gather up the drunken Twink and, with polite good-byes, quickly escape the watering hole, slightly wounded, but ready to move on.

"The hunters lick their own wounds with fresh cocktails and discuss with one another the prized catch they almost had and quickly move on to their next quest.

"And as for me, I must say, this has been a very interesting evening of observations.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I.  I may come back to this particular locale for more studies.  I've heard of the very very outrageous flock that comes to this watering hole late in the evening.  I'm anxious to capture the flamboyant herd who's behavior can go from fun and frolic to violence and screeching in a flat second.  I am, of course, talking about the flashy and often ostentatious Tranny.

"For now, this is Marlin Perkins and Mutual of Alcohol wishing you all a good night.  Thank you."